i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Banned from zoo.
Again?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Randomize
