this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
