We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
