Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
