It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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