Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
