In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize