Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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