dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize