i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
