He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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