Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
