hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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