I got chris browned last night
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
