She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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