i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
