This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You had me at "let me see your balls"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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