Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Drunk is not a location!
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