Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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