Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
