just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
honey bunches of taint.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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