I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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