Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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