Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
