you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
