Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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