chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
