Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
