Someone shit on the floor
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
