I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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