I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
