Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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