They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
