some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
