I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
