she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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