so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
