he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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