My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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