so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
