If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i think my cat just said my name.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
