You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
