You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
