Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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