i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
