I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize