And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
