Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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