That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
