Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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