I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize