you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
