Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
