i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize