If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
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