i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
