i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
