DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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