You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
