i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
