Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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