i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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