Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
honey bunches of taint.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
