i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
