I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
