I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize