Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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