On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
